Wednesday, June 5, 2013

A new question; treatments; think

An interesting question has arisen before me...

Went to my MD and physical therapist, this week. Both tested my legs, and found precisely the same thing... my legs have gotten weaker. One of them, much weaker.

Now, the physical therapist said that it looks to her (MSer, but not MD) like I'm having an "exacerbation," she said that people with Primary Progressive M.S. (like me) can have them, and maybe I want to have a three-day-long steroid treatment.

Well, inasmuch as steroids were one of the things that cost us my father-in-law's health and (eventually) life, and my doctor had mega-steroid treatment because he had had a horrible "attack," and he's quite sure that it has taken years off his life, I'm thinking... no. I'm not going to do the mega-steroid treatment.

"I know people like you don't like the Western treatments..." she says.

I don't say as much in response, but I think: No, people like me don't want to die for stupid reasons. Die we all must, but as a Ranger said in the world of Babylon 5, "We live for the One, we die for the One, but we don't die stupid."

But here's the question... All through my life, something horrible has created something wonderful. Something that never would have happened... never could have happened... came to pass because something truly awful (experience-wise) paved the way for the wonderfulness. Being washed out of my pre-med delusion paved the way for my music degree, which in its own time paved the way for many other things.  Getting laid off of a couple of jobs (years apart, completely different employers) made the getting of two of my music degrees possible. Breaking up with someone whom I thought was the love of my life paved the way for me to connect with someone who actually is the love of my life.

Now, I'm in a seemingly inescapable loop of "I have to sleep now now NOW" during the day, my leg strength seems to be evaporating (although I do have physical-therapy exercises, which I'll go do as soon as I finish this, presuming I stay awake long enough), I'm wandering through a fog of vaguely-unhappy-tummy-all-the-time (Don't eat? Feel not so good. Just ate? Feel not so good.) plus the elimination systems that Don't Want To Play Along Nicely, which have their own unwelcome "issues" that trust me, you do not want details about. So, in many respects, it's a life of "suckitude."

And yet, the pattern is... the bad creates the good. The good can only come to pass because the bad has paved the way.

Interesting metaphor, because roads are paved, and roads other than freeways don't tend to be surrounded by walls, without which I pretty much can't even air-quotes "walk."

So, I'm definitely seeing the bad... I wonder what good it is creating?

Well, as Aragorn often said in The Lord of the Rings, "Who can say?"

But between you and me... I'm ready for it. Boy, am I ready for it.

The Science of Mind people often say "Thoughts become things."

Clearly then, as Steve Jobs was like to say...

It's time to think different.

1 comment:

Muffie said...

You have many thoughts here on which to dwell...hmmm, good coming from bad? It gave me something to think about, and I totally agree with you. I do hope things begin to get better for you.