Rocks in the rapids

The weather this morning couldn't have been more perfectly metaphorical: last night, clouds and rain; this morning, sun and birdsong.

Many glorious things were accomplished today. Cleared many things off the compositional "to do" list. To wit:

1. The choral director wanted some adjustments to the choir/orchestra piece I wrote for the high-school's musicians, and the solution I found made me happy and (I hope) will please him as well. I won't call it a "compromise" because it was just plain too good--it created extra musical strength and (I hope) will give him what he requested.
2. Adapted a handbell part (within a brass and handbell introit for Easter), which in its original form, requires far more players than we have. Now it fits our humble, yet enthusiastic and dedicated, group.
3. Finished two out of the three hymn arrangements for Easter Sunday. I probably could have gotten through all three, but one of them is a little idiosyncratic, every church performs it a little differently, and I need to arrange the arrangement (as it were) to fit our congregation.
4. Laid out and printed the organ part for my composition that's premiering next Sunday. I tried to make it playable by my failing feet--fortunately, it's a significantly better instrument than the one I had to work with Ash Wednesday, so there's more hope. Even though the organ is vastly superior, the action on the pedal board is a little low, the dimensions are a little odd, and both of those cause me -- too often-- to struggle with the instrument. Tomorrow, after church, I'll give it a go and see how I do with the (mostly) better instrument.

And, I made a quiche, cole slaw, and an apple/yogurt salad. and did all the dishes. And did a load of laundry. Sunshine and birdsong, all around. Or so it should have been....

Those were the rapids... but there were also the rocks... ah, the rocks.

I've been feeling a vague panic nipping at me for a while now, it has been catalyzed by a fear that "I'm behind schedule," and that's one of the reasons I cranked at music so hard today; I hoped that I could get on or ahead of schedule, and maybe calm whatever it is that's subconsciously nattering at me.

And then, on a trip to the store to grab some supplies for the cooking adventure, I found that I wasn't feeling panic, but terror. Real, pit-of-the-stomach, terror. And I mean, come on, this is Trader Joe's that I'm in, there's nothing even vaguely terrifying about it. The store does not frighten me. And yet... I feel terror. Thank heavens, it went away once I went home.

But what's up with that? It's definitely part of the MS package, I never felt anything like that before The Diagnosis; it doesn't seem to correlate with any of my symptoms. But, even so... terror? In the midst of such an otherwise superlative day? Come and gone, both in a flash?

Hmm.... huh. Well...

The fun never stops, does it?