Silence is golden

Enjoyed a call yesterday from a very much beloved doctoral-school teacher. He like me has retired (although it's gonna be a while before I use that word without the very-large air quotes... I'm [huge air quotes] "RETIRED," you see...) but like me, people call him when they need some help with something, which is why he called me.

He had very much the same experience that I did, with the college world at all levels, a rather dark place full of people all-too-easily described as "you know what you want, but you don't know what you're doing." Various people do all sorts of stuff, they congratulate themselves for doing the Lord's work, but at the end of the day, all sorts of labor is expended but the final result is... nothing. Or, tragically, something worse than nothing. But oh, they did the Lord's work, they're so proud!

This, I am seeing all over the place. Especially in the scrabbling for feeling-good-about-yourself that is endemic to the current political "process." They don't know what they don't know. And because they think they know, they have no interest in being told that actually, no, they don't know.

Neil deGrasse Tyson is a notable exception. If we don't know something, he says "We don't know."

Don't hear that much, now do we?

But that is something we MSers are all too familiar with. As a patient told my doctor, "The great thing about MS is that it makes you more sensitive to your body. The bad thing about MS is that it makes you more sensitive to your body." We are all too familiar with what's going on, body-wise; I certainly upset some MD in the hospital who had suggested/prescribed Something Fancy, who asked whether I felt the same, better, or worse, and the only way to answer was "All three."

But this is also definitely a gift of MS... to be shown in no uncertain terms what you don't know. It can take a while... too long, even... But, it's very clear what's known and not known.

This has made me not exactly welcome in the Western medical world, because I ask "Will this make me BETTER?" and if the answer's "We don't know," my response tends to be "Then we have nothing to talk about." Some things I don't mind trying; will stool softener make things better? No way to know unless we try, and if it fails, it's no worse than things currently are anyway. But things like the standard MS injectables that make one feel bad for days upon days and make you better...? How? Nobody knows?

Well then, that pretty much ends the conversation. What I do know is that it's awful, and prescribing doctors have no idea whether it does any good.

Conversation's over. Which, when you're pressing against suggestions about things like Tysabri, which has a tragic track record of turning your brain into jelly and killing you, is a very short conversation.

Sometimes...

Silence is indeed golden.

Wonderful

A wild day at my acupuncturist/MD/friend/fellow MSer's office yesterday.

He cleared a couple of entry-exit blocks, booboo's that keep energy from flowing from one official/meridian to another. Life is much, much, much better when you're unblocked.

Which certainly makes an immediate difference in my own reactions, and experiences, of corporeal malfunction. Things that pre-treatment would make me react very badly, are pretty much observed and then forgotten. It's a much better way to go, I recommend it enthusiastically. (And reminding you that my guy does Classical Five-Element acupuncture, which uses no herbs. Herbalists that do acupuncture are of a different school, and they don't know anything about entry-exit blocks, so don't even ask 'em about such.)

And my poor friend had to go through some ... interesting times. His mother died, in New York somewhere, so he had to dash off across the country to see to all that such things entail; and another of his friends (at least, here in southern California) also died, something neurological but it was basically a very peaceful "just up and died" kinda thing, gentle but sudden.

He has seen, being an MD who used to work in Bellevue and many other Big Hospitals, more than his share of death. And yet, he speaks of it more as a "transition;" the folks I knew in the Science of Mind church also spoke of "making the transition," and Ram Dass speaks of how his own guru one day "let go of his body."

We are eternal; we are beings of light. This thing we are driving around in, this body, is not; and few of us particularly enjoy being reminded of that.

And this is also indeed a gift of MS (not the "death" thing, which comes free from the factory, no matter how we economize or accessorize our vastly entertaining bodies). But it really does bring us every day to the immediate truth of "THIS is what I'm experiencing, an glorious detail" and yet equally immediate, and equally true, is "THIS is not all I am, and it's certainly not what I am."

Remember any time on the freeway. Something happens; an accident, road construction, whatever, but it clogs up the road and you're basically just stuck there, driving-wise, you can't do anything besides just sit.

Does this make you mad? Often; it messes up the arrival time (plus your own mental/emotional state) that you had hoped for--yes, hoped for, not merely "planned on," we don't go enraged if it's all about the clock, it's got a severe chunk of "hoped-for" in it.

Is there anything you can do about it? Well, all sorts of things are on offer--AM radio often has traffic reports, your smart phone/pad/whatever can go to things like Sigalert or Inrix and tell you more, but do about it? Actually do about it?

Great. Weather, traffic, death, and MS are all pretty much the same, at the end of the... anything, no?

But my MS experience has brought me to a very quiet place. Most of my concerns are very simply about alleviating, or if possible avoiding, suffering. I see my own shortcomings more than I used to, to find a place that Ram Dass called "There I go again," and stop going there--but keep witnessing, if I can. And if I can't, to witness non-witnessing is a very good start.

What do I hope to accomplish today? Make a phone call or two, be sure to keep eating, and what I'm actually looking forward to--making tea. My wife brought us some tea from a shop we have never frequented an awful lot--Bird Pick, the Western face of Wing Hop Fung. And the tea in question, one I've never had--Big Red Robe.

A tea never before tried is a joy for anyone, MS or not, connoisseur or not. And the sky today is bright, brilliant, and clear (taking time to just look at the sky is also gift of MS).

That's definitely a gift of MS, it's really a gift of life, it's amazing that it took MS to get me even to notice it.

Bright, brilliant, and clear...

Are wonderful.

Just enjoy.

Birds can be messy.

But they don't give up. Frankly, having been watching them for a while, I don't think "give up" is in them. Anywhere.

Stuff hits the ground. Or just dangles. They just keep going. Because, basically, they ain't done yet.

This is good for us MSers to remember. It doesn't matter that these little birds do things messily. They don't care, or even notice. They definitely enjoy life, though... they're most enthusiastic about everything. Even dropping things.

As Ram ass has written, a tree doesn't care. Neither do birds.

So, why should we? Something drops. Keep going. Enjoy life. And don't care...

Just enjoy.

Who can say?

A brief moment to check in.

I'm still immured by the goddam computer having been "improved" with a new OS which basically made said computer unusable.

Unless I want to use Guitar Band or some other Apple product which does me zero good. Which is pretty much what the machine does for me now; not counting the occasional bill pay or blog entry (like this one), my computer is not doing well with the "my" and "actually helping me make music" stuff.

I'm trying new help-me-out OTC Medical Things, which may actually be an improvement. From the way I'm not typing now, I think I'm done doing whatever it was that I could. Will more get accomplished today? As was quoted often in The Lord of the Rings, who can say?

Did I have other things to do? Both on the computer and off, such as enjoying a few moments in the sunlight, perhaps enjoying the front yard with the new wheelchair ramp on the front porch, or a jaunt around the back patio, in our backyard zen garden? Yeah, but will I be able to do them?

Who can say?

(Yes it is that bad right now. More later, certainly if we get out of the "that bad" zone.)

Another "wow" weekend, not necessarily a "good" sort. But good, bad, who can say?

A fantastic spring concert was given at Oneonta Congregational Church. In it were featured many of my compositions, performed with heart-wrenching beauty.

I couldn't go. I was in really, really bad shape. I never left the bed during the concert; it was a good thing that I didn't go, I would have had the opposite of a good time.

There were pictures taken, recordings made, so I will soon (I hope) have something to share. From what I know, it was a wonderful wonderful afternoon.

And although I couldn't be there, their happiness still makes it wonderful for me. On a day kinda low in "wonderful."

And as I often tell you, I often "find the funny" in my current MS-ified situation, and I think this one actually is funny, so here we are.

I use medical marijuana (lots of things to talk about there, that's definitely another show), it is enormously helpful as a pain and spasticity reliever. Sometimes I get in so much pain that I can't stand to sit up in my wheelchair, therefore no sitting at the computer to do anything, much less what one could call as heroically "stuff." Sometimes too much pain to deal with sitting up in bed, makes me long to just lie down and fade away. Not die or such, but definitely just to fade out, maybe just Z into cuddly bed-ness.

But the correct dosage of the correct varietal (there are a lot of them and the varietal really matters when you're using it for pain relief rather than "crank up The Dead and let it fly" musical fun) means I can deal with sitting, even sitting at the computer, like I am now.

And here's the funny:

Remembering that I'm in a Medical Marijuana state, I'm totally within the law of the State of California... and that I'm actually using this stuff for medical reasons, two doctors telling me to use it, one of them calling it "neuro-protective," to deal with the pain & nonsense that is my experience of MS...

I have to smoke weed so I'm free of pain enough to sit up at the computer and therewith, via the Internet, order more weed.

And THAT'S how we treat MS in the 21st century.

Everything goes better with...

Might even work

Some adventures, I don't need. On the list today, calling Apple about some significant system failures caused, I believe, by trusting them to make things actually better with their latest releases.

Heard from someone else, not "of" Apple, say that in the Real Worlds, they don't install such updates for at least 6 months, if not a year, to give everyone a chance to catch up to said "improvements."

My plan, when I call them, is to open with two things: #1, I hold you personally blameless for all of my difficulties, so if I get crotchety, I'm not mad at YOU. #2. I never want to hear the words "better" or "Garage Band" in anything you say. I write for humans. I have been happy with what I use for everything for years. Now, in the cause of making it "better," one of the only things I can do has been taken away from me, in the name of "improving" things.

Well, it didn't, so stop telling me how it will, and help me ACTUALLY make it better.

This is the MSer's experience with the health care system. "It's thought to [fill in the blank]." Well, don't tell me what it's thought to do, tell me what it actually does and how that will make me better.

They never get to the second part of that, the whole "better" thing.

Telling me about what the label says or what your legally-sanctioned memorized speech requires, tells me nothing. Tell me about ME or get lost. We both have better things to do. Well, I know I do.

Here's a "thought to" that you'll never hear again: Sexual intercourse is thought to facilitate pregnancy.

You Big Pharma guys need to know that what you tell me sounds about as useful. At best. By accident. Being both useful and accurate, by accident. Pregnancy and "by accident" seem to be found in close appropinquity not infrequently, wouldn't that be good for MS "treatments"?

If you don't know about it, be truthful. (Would change everything during the wind-up to the Presidential race. Truthfulness....)

I spend plenty of time saying "you're not helping me" if I'm trapped in the belly of the beast, in the Western medical world. Telling doctors visiting me in the hospital "Tell me how this is going to help me" generally stops the conversation.

So, do I have the strength call Apple now, and see if hey can actually (make those letters about as big as you can, the "actually") help me?

Well, as the Good Book says, pray without ceasing.

Who knows, that...

Might even work.

Not a bad side effect

Doing the best I can to blog this before I hit the wall. Which I'm pretty much already doing.

All of us in this amazing little life often come across "Gotta do" stuff. Well, the Four Necessities, food clothing shelter medicine, are worth having something to "do" with, but the "gotta do" gets in the way of all sorts of things. Especially when other people start piling :gotta" all over you.

We--OK, I--get caught up in "doing." "Doing" seems to be the thing to... well, do, I guess.  If I'm not hung up by being in "denial," I certainly do seem to get stuck a lot on "doing."

The Taoists have ideas about doing and "NOT doing, or wu wei, as an important way to follow the path.

Ram Dass has a completely different idea, karma yoga as providing a "thing to do" that will get you closer to whomever/whatever you regard as "God."

So, as I run out of "typing moments," what am I supposed to "do?"

Think. Contemplate. Meditate. Make notes, if I can, regarding some ideas that might turn into not just "doing" but into karma yoga. Maybe call my parents. Watch cartoons. Laugh. Have FUN!

I think that last bit is something that all of us, gentle readers, MS or not, need to do.

Have fun.

No side effects, besides...

Joy. Laughter. Fun, even.

Not a bad side effect, eh?

With love

A taxing day, last Tuesday. For the first time that I can remember, perhaps even "ever," I had to call my medical guy (office, really) and tell him I wouldn't be there in two hours because I was in too horrible shape to leave the property.

Adding suffering to suffering, my poor wife was struggling with one of the Worst Migraines Ever. She was barely well enough to go get a massage, my ministrations of whisked matcha that usually help set things aright did nothing. A bad day for everyone.

Ram Dass has a lot to say about suffering, and transforming that into something higher, but I don't think that wise as Ram may be, transforming other's suffering is a different, and yet somehow the same, problem. 

Taking care of the person who you rely upon to take care of you... Well, I don't have much to offer you, gentle reader, besides a simple first-thing-to-try:

Patience.

Just be with them where they are. Be here now. Nothing matters besides... love.

Would it be nice if they suddenly started taking care of you? Yeah, if they were able to care for you. And if they can't... well, as Ram Dass reminds us, be here now. Yeah, it sucks, like that's new, for us MSers. Speak the truth with love. So, say it with me.

It sucks.

And now...

Be here now.

That's the truth, so as you remind yourself of this, tell that truth...

With love.

Outlier

A very brief entry, this morning.

I hope to write something non-MS-centric for other uses. If I can. I'm shivering mightily, even in 60+, maybe even low 70's, temperature. I hope I can keep it together enough to even start on it. Given the time it took me to catch "n" instead of "on" in the prior sentence, and fix it, and fix it again because even trying went south... doesn't encourage me to expect that "writing" (e.g., typing) something is gonna happen at all.

Wife is off getting filmed at USC, some sort of student film I think. She looked positively stunning as she headed off, I expect she'll be amazing when she's acting. She always is.

I submitted to I-honestly-don't-know-who to talk about my MS experience. I (seventy-five huge air quotes) think it was for some sort of Internet-provided encouragement for people with MS. Well, they didn't select me... Such is life on the Actor's Path. You audition, they don't take you, you audition again. Rinse, lather, repeat.

If I'm correct, and they didn't select me, I imagine, I let's be honest presume, that my MS story isn't the story they wanted to tell.

And that's certainly their prerogative. But ... really, whose MS experience is "typical"?

We're all different. All and each of us. Our experience is unique.

Certain things we have in common. First and most simple, having MS ... sucks.

There's really no other way to describe it. It sucks.

It is also life-changing in marvelous ways. The way I see things has changed, the way I understand things has changed, patience with interpersonal things, especially in relating to my beloved and long-suffering caregiver wife, has gotten better! Gifts indeed they are!

So, that was my synopsis of the MS experience. It has been the worst thing that has ever happened to me. It has been a wonderful thing, sometimes the best thing that could happen.

What can I say?

I'm an outlier.

Time to start on lunch (not eating enough can make me into an out-faller, you can guess what that's about). Best, and enjoy your lunch!

Perhaps

What may very well be a gift of MS, which I'm only now beginning to experience consciously...

Not losing my shit.

Even in a quiet way. Which, let's be honest with each other, happens all too easily and regularly.

Even all too constantly.

Those who are sharing the homespace with another, perhaps even a "significant other," perhaps just another; but such things happen a lot, especially when said two people see things from different visual angles, such as one walking, one in a wheelchair.

But you know how the pattern goes... Something (for this particular example, doesn't matter what said thing actually is) is taking up a place you don't expect. Something is thus I  THE WAY or In the Wrong Place or both. Then, you lose your shit.

"Where's my fill-in-the-blank?"

"That fill-in-the-blank is in my way."

Said squealing can also be couched in accusation... "YOU (or whoever has roused your ire) left this in my way!" or "YOU took this away from where it's supposed to be!"

Not exactly a path to peace, is it?

And yes, nowadays, I see these things, and although I may say to myself "Gotta move that" or "well, that's in the way" and then move it, go around it, or give up. None of them with judgment or corrosive commentary.

Ram Dass describes such moments as "There I go again." At worst, I must admit to reaching for a mantra specifically designed to let go of contrary stuff, but that's as bad as it gets. Usually. But that's work for me to do, and what comes of it? Acceptance? Forgiveness, maybe? Peace?

Next, I "get" (huge air quotes) to call some people about installing a new--actually, "old," one revision before the current one--operating system. Much about my main machine is very unhappy and is stopping me from doing things I love.

Sound familiar, fellow MSers? Has this happened to you, maybe?

Perhaps indeed...

Perhaps.

Not today

For those who follow such things, happy Easter! And for those who follow such things, a blessed Passover. For the rest of you... it's a beautiful day, so go out and enjoy it!

A picture from oh my, at least two years ago, one of the last times I was at Oneonta Congregational Church; one of the last times I could even get to somewhere I could take a picture. There are many things one can say about Oneonta, many of them beautiful, but wheelchair-friendly, unless you're coming in the main doors and just wheel in and sit, it's not. At all.

Two years ago, I could at least sort-of walk up stairs and around the chancel.

Not any more.

Today, at least.

Speaking of today, I won't have much to add. My hands are so cold, I can barely 25-air-quotes "type" at all. I put some pics and new music (well, new for today, seems a common theme, the "today" thing) on my web site, and that's basically all I got. I think I'm going to find myself a snack and pack it in to the bed.

Keeping fed... something that I'm discovering to be hugely important. I don't really get "hungry," so I need to eat by the clock or pay attention to non-hunger-as-such signals, like salivation as a key for "eat now." Keeping fed means that I can transfer in and out of the chair more easily, so that what even passes for "function normally" can actually happen. Don't eat, because I don't feel the need or feel a little queasy, something that happens a lot, and "simply living" becomes unpleasant, unbearable. Last night, for example, I kept an "emergency nutrition bar" at my bedside, and after eating it, albeit slowly but at least I did it... anyway, transferring into the chair from the bed and such became quite doable... but insufficient feeding makes everything work quite poorly, such as merely swinging my legs off the bed. Typing this, I took a break to get something out of the refrigerator and let it come up a little closer to room temperature; eating cold things, I don't enjoy any more. Frankly, I don't need excuses to keep me from eating, so once things warm up a bit, eat away!

Ah, Easter... time was, I played showpieces for Easter postludes, like the finale to Widor organ symphony #2. Takes quite a bit of pedal work, which ain't happening, today. Or for several years, but definitely, not today.

This seems a common thread, on the MS highway... Oh, how things used to be different, and even wonderful, but not...

Not today.

MS changes all the time. For me, things just keep getting worse. Oh, think of nearly anything, and it was possible and even glorious. Things change all the time anyway, but things that had been not just easy, but precious, aren't doable.

At least, not today.

Ah, expressions that arise all the time. And probably don't help.

And here they are...

Nothing makes me feel better.

I'll just run to the... yeah, "running." And the final, sad word pair... Can refer to anything, as simple as making something unusual to eat, or finding a blank CD to share some music, or go out to a meal, or go see a friend, or anything else that involves going "off property"...

Not today.

What a gift indeed

Huge morning differences, between "not now but probably soon" and "Time has come I guess that's over." and "YOU took this from me" as opposed to the "guess time has come" of item two.

A morning self-appointed task: send a non-urgent note to a friend, via Facebook. Facebook seems to be clogged or something, because clicking the appropriate links sends it into "Any minute now... really... really" mode; the sort of thing that resolves itself in due course, all I need to do is wait. Which, given my bodily (usually mal-)functions, puts me in a place of "well, it'll be back sometime, perhaps I'll be able to go back, later. Eventually. Probably. Just might be a long eventually..."

Looking at some "goodies" hanging from the veranda, specifically a wind chime I remember being very proud to purchase and add to the back yard, 15+ years ago, I am reminded of the days I used to enjoy shopping (those were both wheelchair and non-wheelchair joys, from a time I could still drive myself places and lift the wheelchair into and out of the back of the truck, both with and without help. Nowadays, my shopping is all internet and usually all medical; stuff I need because I'm in the Cath Club, all sorts of different Cath Things, medicinal herbs (and thereby hangs another tale, I'll tell you more about those another time), paying things like the mortgage and Karen's car, my city's DWP stuff, and every once and a while something else, lke a gift for wife or someone else.

Music stuff has gotten ugly. Apple provided the latest "don't worry, we'll take care of everything" upgrade, which STOPPED things from working which used to be computer-wise, non-issues... but contacting everyone who created the software which was basically thrown under the bus by this "upgrade," and being told no, our stuff is perfect (by their own assessments, of course) so we can't help you. I was able to produce a list for one software-perveyor of "here are all the things YOU SOLD ME" that no longer work, it's YOUR STUFF THAT'S BROKEN so YOU GUYS NEED TO FIX IT." We'll see where that goes...  expect, nowhere.

Kinda like MS treatments. Oh, it's going to make me better? Oh really... OK, you guys made this, it doesn't work, YOU fix it, and don't tell me how wonderful things are because what you said would work [screaming] DOESN'T... Sound familiar?

OK, so I'll try Facebook again, I'll finish this soon, I need to message a friend of mine, but later this morning just in case he keeps different hours than I do... somehow get up enough to make wife some Good Morning Tea (whisked matcha, but I may go to oolong later today)...

Hope that some podcasts of last night's preferred shows come available, maybe catch some favorite cartoons from last week... Alas, tonight's Toonami anime offerings, which once brought me unbelievable joy and encouraged me to go down some interesting and very creative paths... well, I'm not in their demographic, so my experience of their offerings dips well into "suck."

(And for my anime-interested friends, manga and anime in Japan is very age- and gender-targeted, my favorite works tend to be seinen not shonen and Lord not shojo.)

Easter Sunday is tomorrow. I used to attend and perform at such things for quite literally decades. Used to compose music for such things.

Not any more.

Time has come, I guess. Let's rethink this: it's not about "not for me" but "it's time for someone else to carry the load."

And that certainly happens because of just-plain time; has nothing to do with any neurological anything.

So there's a task for me today; let other people worry about things it's not given to me to worry about. Why said things were given to other people and by whom or what, that's out ofmy pay grade, as the saying goes. But, a thought experiment: Assume I knew exactly how, who, and why these changes happened... the good that this would do me is...?

Maybe there isn't anything.

Which is a gift in itself; to bless and send on their way all these "something happened and then--" moments, they're not for me, so perhaps instead I am called upon to be generous, allow things that need something, whatever, to have it? Or to release what isn't needed?

Freedom, and liberation.

What a gift, indeed!

Just witness

An aside, from what might become its own blog, one of these days: Backyard Zen.

I'm fortunate to have a lot of living friends, here in the garden...all sorts of plants and many kinds of animals. But what's amazing is that they're all very much unique individuals.

Honeybees who wander the flowers in the geranium plant they're currently exploring. Every one of them is very interested in something, but they look for it differently. Similarly, yes, but at the end of it all, differently.

We have quite a few of various kinds of birds. They behave similarly, but each of them is different. They squabble and chase each other, and they have similar kinds calls and the like, but certain among them clearly have feelings for each other, including one pair who nuzzle each other with their beaks. But they're all unique.

Saw some squirrels nibbling on something. They are also clearly unique.

Humans came wandering by one day. They're also clearly unique, each of them, but somehow, enough the same, and sometimes with clear feelings for their other human friends that they were journeying with.

Life is life. Life is amazing. Life is... everything.

And so what do we do, with all of these things in the backyard?

Witness. Just witness. Don't judge, don't adopt problems that don't belong to you, don't go into "well, I would have done this differently" or other critiquing modes, don't over-analyze things whether you know about them or not, like trying to peg whatever-it-is with some sort of taxonomy, just witness.

Me in the backyard, I take time to look, breathe, and listen. And the most amazing things may happen...

And you don't need a backyard. Nature helps, nature really helps, but there's life all around us.

Just witness.

Live!

May not be able to share much today... I'm shivering, in what must be high 60s/low 70s in the studio. Paid some bills (electronically), sent some mail, gonna maybe gonna try to make a phone call or at least a SMS message. A friend is expected at 1PM Pacific time, with a treat in the form of what I'm told will be a tremendous sandwich. The fun never ends, it seems.

An interesting day of introspection, at times. Wheel chairing around the house, I find myself grousing about or at some inanimate object, which is somehow stopping me from accomplishing something. And then I catch myself (as Ram Dass says, "There I go again") and just ask, "And what is that about?" The Whatever setting off yelling turns out really at the end of it all, to be actually about... nothing.

And I say to myself "OK... so it means nothing. Now what?"

Tell the truth, Ram Dass reminds us, so the truth is... what it's about is nothing beyond "There I go again," and whatever has been caused by Whatever Set Me Off means, as I said earlier, nothing.

So.

This is definitely a gift of MS. Catch yourself needing to tell the truth, tell it, and then, what next?

Oh, I dunno, what about...

Live!

Just like...

Night sky, nowadays, is full of amazing things. To paraphrase Pogo, I have seen the planets, and they is us.

An the moon is definitely us, little mortals that we are, and especially us MSers.

Even mighty as it is, from our little point of view, it can be disturbed, or perturbed, in astronomical terms; even looking at the astronomical definition, it still falls under what we have ourselves have experienced under the umbrella of "sometimes this sh-t happens."

But think about how it got there; during the early years of the ride around the sun, a chunk of primordial earth-goo broke off from the earth, wandered off into orbit, formed a hard shell like all its sibling rocky planets have, became (basically) spherical. It didn't luck out with oceans and all that stuff the earth had, but it does have its uses.

We only see half(it) of it; the back side, as Pink Floyd famously sings, is known as the dark side of the moon. Yeah, our devices have enabled us to remotely "see" it, but us and our little human eyes aren't so lucky.

But it's us. Whatever it is that it currently has, it ain't what it started as. Yeah, we can experience it as it is, but there are things about it that really, we never will, because they're just unseeable--and thus unknowable. Sound familiar? Yeah, we'd like to conquer it, but we just sitting here looking up at it, no matter how much people may tell us, we can't conquer it--we can't even know it. Heck, we can't even see it as it really is. And come on, if you're like me and can't even leave the house to go have lunch, how the hell am I going to get to the moon?

What we do see, though, changes every day. And its tumultuous beginning aside, it gifts us every day--the tides on our little oceans keep the life all over this planet well, alive. Which is cool in its own way.

But what it was, is no more. It is completely different from anything anyone might have imagined, had they seen precisely how it began. And yet, after changing completely from what it was when it started, it gifts us constantly; the tides, its beautiful night-time light, even the amazing sights of solar eclipses.

Look at the moon tonight, and see yourself. Hammered, ripped apart, pockmarked by what things get thrown at it, and yet it gifts us.

Sounds familiar, doesn't it?

Just like, you know, life.