Magic words

A new way to look at "compromise."

My last place of employment was not so good at this. Certain People wanted things done Their Way, even if it was clear to an impartial observer (should any have been asked for their input, which they never were) that A Different Way was actually more beneficial to everyone. Except, of course, the Certain People who regarded Their Way as the Only Possible Way. Whether it actually worked didn't matter, because Getting Their Way was paramount.

Now, let's be honest, how many of us is that true for? Different details, but similar Rightness Of Your Way whether facts portend otherwise? Facts, don't annoy me with those, My Way is Right, after all...

But there's a different way to look at compromise...

When we compromise, we win.

Has nothing to do with who's or what's right. But remember that magic word, "we"...

When we compromise, we win.

Well, yes, "you" don't get everything you wanted. But I am reminded of a very sweet moment from the new Adult Swim show Rick and Morty where someone asks Summer something that's clearly asking her to pick sides, and specifically the side of one particular person. In this scene, Summer just smiles, and says...

"Doesn't matter."

When a Care Giver is doing their best to care for you, and there's a way they want to do things for whatever reason, and it's probably not your way, but having things be your way... that's important for things like "I need stuff from the pharmacy by this date/time" or "I need This Particular Medical Equipment at this particular time or Bad Stuff might happen, " but for just ordinary quotidian life stuff, change the way you think. When we compromise, we win. As for the details, remember those two magic words...

Doesn't matter.

Those five words...

I'm getting battered, as all of us MSers do, with suggestions about how This New Whatever is Just The Thing. Latest treatment for MS! Sometimes, people even tell me they know MSers who are taking it and reaping rewards! But mostly, I'm battered by It's The Latest Thing.

Open any MSer-targeted publication and you'll see little else.

There's this one particular Thing, not the Latest MS Drug Du Jour but it's been around a while and the ads are ever so enthusiastic (as they always are). And this one's oral, not injected! Hooray! Well, yes, sometimes when you take the first pill it kills you but it hasn't killed that many people, so far. But it's oral, not injected like all those other MS drugs! And except for the maybe it'll kill you immediately, which it hasn't done to that many people (yet, or as far as we know, at least), it won't make you feel sick like those other MS drugs. But you still have to take it every day for the rest of your life. But it's oral!

Fine, fine, be that all as it may... will it help me?

Silence.

But it's oral!

Silence.

It's based on a natural chemical, they say, it's not synthetic, it's just been... fiddled with--no, I mean improved! And it's oral!

Doesn't kill that many people (they say quietly) but it's oral! And this guy over here, some of his symptoms have abated!

Fine, what does it cost? Well, they can't tell me.

I am getting so insert your favorite string of obscenities here SICK of those five words.

Well, we can't tell you.

I call the local pharmacy and ask how much said drug costs. Well, they can't tell me, my doctor has to ask for a pre-approval (whatever that means) and then they can tell me how much it might cost but insurance may or may not pay for it. We won't know until the pre-approval (whatever that is) goes through. Checking on the web it says it's nearly $100 per pill. Per day. For the rest of your life.

But, will it help ME?

Well, we can't tell you. Why don't you try it? If it doesn't kill you immediately, which it doesn't for everybody but for some yeah, but we think it probably won't kill you, probably, and then you take it for a few months ($3,000 per month, basically) and maybe you'll see an improvement. Or not. But, it's oral!

This isn't a help to the diseased. It's a cash cow.

Here are some things you'll never hear...

Ask your doctor if huang qi (that's Pinyin, pronounced "hwhong chee") is right for you!

That's astragalus, which has been used in traditional Chinese medicine for thousands of years. It grows in the ground. It's a plant. You want it, grow it yourself, or take it off the shelf of pretty much any Chinese grocery store, it'll be in the "herb" aisle, it's a few bucks for a bag with a few ounces in it. No "cash cow" profit motive there.

Ask your doctor if sheep placenta is right for you!

Sheep placenta you'll find on the shelves of many Chinese pharmacies. Sheep grow them. While they're growing sheep. Same with human placenta, which makes differently "entertaining" label copy, but it's there too. We grow those too. No "cash cow"profit motive there.

Ask your doctor if cobalamin is right for you!

That's Vitamin B12. Every red-blooded animal on the planet makes that for themselves. Some of us are bad at it, so we need it. You can get it off the shelf pretty much anywhere that sells such things. No "cash cow" profit motive there. And it's oral. Sublingual, actually.

Ask your doctor if cannabis is right for you!

You ain't gonna hear that for a while. But it's a weed, that's why they call it "weed." You can grow it in your back yard, or on your back porch or in your kitchen, in a sunny window. It is, and has been for years, the largest cash crop in California, and Colorado is currently finding that actually, it pays for itself. Hard to find profit motive there, at least on the scale of $100 per day for life, but as the Colorado public schools are finding out, there's enough money to share, certainly. But I know quite a few people who tried one joint and realized it was either a good idea or a "feh" idea, and for the cost of one joint or pipeful, it was a cost-effective experiment. But, the people have voted: Those whom it helps know that it does because they tried it and it actually helped them. But it's oral, right?

You won't hear that about the latest glossy-ad drug being touted in the MS publications, the massive number of "I tried it and it helped me" users. Which I don't hear from the MS Touted Drug Du Jour world. Well, yes, they did find a lethal dose for cannabis: forty-plus POUNDS, all at once. It'd do you in just by falling on you.

Now, I don't have it in for "derived from stuff" pills. Aspirin comes from willow bark. It works fine, and the per-pill cost is miniscule. Even if you've got a heart thing and need to take it every day. Tends not to kill you on the first pill, too.

I'm not categorically opposed to Western medicine; it has its uses. And abuses, and misuses. Just like life, y'know. But if all somebody has to offer at the end of the day are Those Five Words...

Well, we can't tell you.

Then we don't have anything to talk about, now do we?

Zen walking; indirect gifts

My kyudo shishou (pronounced "shee-so", the "ou" is just a long "O", and as he translates it, it means "mentor") has a blog just about the Zen of walking, at Zen Man Walking.

Another friend of mine summarized what he learned living in a Zen center as simply "Pay attention."

Well us MS [huge air quote] "walkers" really need to pay attention. To everything. Don't pay attention, and you may pull the TV off the shelf onto yourself and crack a rib (I did) or you may hit the ground and wind up crushing a wastebasket which may have cracked another rib (which I also did) or you may hit the ground and require the help of another person to drag you across the room to somewhere you can pull yourself up (which I also did).

For me, certainly, not paying attention... can end badly. Even when I am paying attention, it can end badly. But, as I'm paying attention as it ends, at least it ends... interestingly. Because every time I hit the ground, it happens differently. Not always a lot differently, but it's unique. Pay attention, indeed.

But in my [huge air quotes] "walking," I pay very close attention. Feet press against the ground. Sink into the earth, not by bending your knees but simply by sinking into the earth. Knees apart, keep them over the feet. When it's time to sit back down, keep the feet oriented correctly so that they catch/hold weight best for the direction I'm traveling. Or, if things ain't going so well, fall backwards into the wheelchair in "just the right way" so it, not the floor, catches me, and hang onto the Right Things to help guide my weight as it falls backwards, under control as best I can, into the wheelchair.

Pay attention, indeed.

And something else came to me this morning... from where, I don't know, Spirit? My Angels? A "leading," as my mother used to call such "visions"/impressions that came from... who knows where? But the message was simple.

Tell the truth... to yourself, about yourself.

As I'm typing this, I keep trying to use my right hand. In not much time, I stop using all five fingers (I'm on forefinger and thumb, right now), and shortly I stop using my right hand altogether.

I don't like this at all. I don't like making so many typing errors simply because my right hand mashes the keyboard, out of my control. I don't like being unable to express myself because my muscles have stopped working properly (or properly enough to express myself over the computer).

So, tell the truth to myself. I'll try to share it with you, since we're in the Blog-o-space...

I feel sad. I'm not finding my way to full-on "mourning" my loss of control, but sad... yeah, I'm sad.

Is there a way to work around this, to get some kind of device that lets, helps, me express myself? That, I don't know... yet. I hope to, someday soon. But right now... I've pretty much hit the wall. Did some business, made some tea, did the "bathroom thing" which is always an ... adventure, let's say politely... Is the pain starting? Is it time to bail? Dunno about that yet, but I have some small amount of (yuck) typing to do, I will make myself some tea and oh it's 12:30 maybe I'd better feed myself because body needs it but I really don't enjoy it much (as I've mentioned before, this is something that ain't worked out well so far) so I don't eat much and then I get weaker and other things happen and... well, no use going there today.

Today is commencement at the school for whom I used to work. They're using my music, but I'm not playing the organ. Second year in a row of not doing it, after forty years of doing it.

Well. the leg pain might be starting right now, it'll definitely have kicked in by showtime, and the last time I tried to sit merely at an organ--that organ in particular--I nearly fell off.

Don't need that. Hitting the ground and falling off things, I can do at home, see above... So, the show is happening without my direct personal intervention.

And that's fine by me. There may be, in circles I can only guess at, some differences of opinion about the [air-quotes the size of the Hindenburg] "correctness" of stuff I did for that school, but one thing everyone can agree on, I handed "my stuff" off really, really well.

An indirect gift of MS, it would seem.